Last year, I wrote this article describing my experience in the hospital and a quick recovery. In this write-up, I am trying to reflect on my spiritual journey over the last year.
At 4 PM on May 2nd, 2021, my HRCT scan was done, and the report came that 70% of the lungs had stopped working (CT 17/25). It was hard to breathe, and I needed some support. In a few hours, while going to the hospital, my 74-year-old father asked, ‘how are you holding up? I replied, ‘I have no idea what is happening, maybe getting too close’.
After necessary formalities, I reached my hospital room at around 12 AM. I was the only one in my room, still struggling to breathe. Finally, one of the nurses came and gave me an oxygen concentrator. The doctor came to check on me in a few minutes, took blood samples, etc. They checked the vital statistics; the temperature was 103.7, and the oxygen level had dropped to 86. The hospital could not start any treatment and had to wait until the following day to see the blood reports.
It was 12:30 AM; I could breathe because of the oxygen concentrator. I sat on my bed against the pillow and started meditating. It was not the first time. I already had almost one year of experience meditating at home.
Meeting death
A couple of minutes into the meditation, I experienced heat in my body. All my life’s memories passed by in a flash. I still remember the last scene of the memory flash, my three-year-old son looking at me and smiling. As I continued, I started experiencing extreme cold. Now my body began to tremble, and I experienced intense shivering. Then, a moment later, there was an absolute calmness and peace.
I could not feel my physical body. There was absolutely ‘nothing,’. I felt my body had become like thin air. The next moment, the experience became cosmic with absolutely no physical dimension. It was so beautiful and so calm. I saw a ‘red’ color in space. That red moving space came close to me, so serene and wonderful and so much as just ‘one.’ Suddenly, my eyes opened. I saw the time, and it was 2 AM. I felt that only a few minutes had passed.
I checked my arm and forehead, which were cold and sweaty. Then, I called the nurse to check my temperature and oxygen levels. The temperature had dropped to 97 degrees, and the oxygen level was back to 94. Interestingly, the last 8-9 days had gone with a very high temperature, and even paracetamol 650 mg had no effect. The hospital gave me the first medicine at 7 AM on 3rd May 2021.
The recovery
On the third day, a nurse came to my room while I was walking and asked where the patient was. She was the nurse who attended to me on the first day but had gone for two days of leave (they deserved the offs after working for 96 hours straight). I replied, ‘I am the patient.’ She said, ‘no sir, the patient who came on Sunday night.’ I replied, ‘that’s me.’ The nurse became a little emotional and said, ‘it is unbelievable because the other day when you came, we felt so bad for you and said, ‘he won’t make it’. I smiled and said, ‘I did’.
When I came back home, the first thing I said to my wife was, ‘I surrender’. Then, within a week, I drove to the hospital all by myself. The doctor was surprised too, and he cut down my steroids and other medicines and said you are fine now.
Interestingly, my day would start and pass by, and not a single thought would come to my mind. I started feeling that something had happened to me. Within a few weeks, I was talking to clients and managing work. But still, no thought would either come or go.
Self-discovery
I was worried about why I was feeling ‘nothingness’ in life. So, I started reading Upanishads and other Vedic texts. I wanted to get an answer to what happened in the hospital and thereafter.
In the yogic culture, how the soul leaves your body is described. Mula Dhara (chakra) gets activated and creates heat in the body. And one after the other, it starts to move to the higher chakras. This life and previous life's memories flash. After the body experiences heat, it will feel cold when it meets water in the stomach. The mixing of heat and cold will cause shivering, and at that time, the soul is ready to depart. The outlet would be the mouth, nose, or eyes. In the case of yogis, they manage to control ‘prana/soul’ and let it go out of the ‘temple.’
When I read this, I could not stop crying. The nothingness I experienced is called ‘heartfulness’ in Vedic terms. I started doing meditation more regularly, and each session gave me a deeper meaning of human existence.
My realizations
Oneness
We are all connected as one in the universe. Each living organism is connected. In this oneness, whatever you demand in your physical life, you get it. There are ways to plant the ideas in your mind, and the universe will serve you on a platter. But first, we must get our game right.
Short life
We attach too much meaning to the short life that we are living. We have been in existence for millions of years. The creator created us, and we will dissolve in the creator.
Nonphysical dimension
NASA also claims that physical space is 0.02% of the universe, and nonphysical space is over 99.98%. They call it dark energy. Our limited knowledge of 0.02% makes us believe that we ‘know.’ No, we don’t. Therefore, we must be more present with the nonphysical experiences.
Ego
To live a peaceful life in which we are not creating Samskaras (impressions), we must kill our egos. You can only see your true potential when you look beyond ‘I.’
Memory
Our memories restrict us. We need to kill all our memories to start living.
Intellect
In a nonphysical dimension, your high IQ level will handicap you. There are so many things beyond logic, and they can’t be explained using the existing world knowledge. The nonphysical experience can take you to the right place.
God
This is also a human being’s ego that we want to see God as human only. So why can’t the creator be not a physical being? The creator has created you and given you all abilities and other qualities just like the creator. Therefore, you are the creator yourself. This is the ultimate truth.
I am thankful that I sneak peeked at death. It's beautiful to be in a non-physical dimension. I think everyone realizes this, but just before death. Everything comes to a point ZERO. Nothing matters. Would you spend your entire life on things you have to leave, including your physical body?
I call myself a seeker now. I know a little but want to know more.
This is a note to me. Whenever I get arrogant, jealous, fearful, angry, etc. I want to read this and be thankful for what I have.